Cheers and Jeers: Tuesday

Cheers and Jeers for Tuesday, August 2, 2022

Be aware: Klondike has ceased manufacturing of its “Choco Taco” frozen treats. To fill the void, C&J is proud to introduce the “Floorito Burrito,” a luxurious mixture of canine hair, cat hair, June’s leftover broccoli florets from beneath the fridge, half-nibbled almond husks, and different assorted vacuumed-up goodies, all rolled up in a paper towel, dipped in chocolate that melted once we forgot to take it out of the automotive yesterday, and wedged within the freezer subsequent to the 122 containers of Choco Tacos we’re hoarding. Guess you possibly can’t eat greater than one!*

*As a result of one will in all probability kill you.

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By the Numbers:

Days ’til the beginning of the Labor Day weekend: 31

Days ’til the North Branford Potato and Corn Pageant in Connecticut: 3

Minimal variety of Ukrainian refugees the U.S. has admitted within the 5 months since Russia’s invasion, one other Biden promise stored: 100,000

Lower within the common value of bud in Maine’s leisure marijuana market over the past two years: -41%

Present per-gram market value of weed in Maine: $10.29

Age of Star Trek icon Nichelle Nichols and 11-time NBA champion Invoice Russell, respectively, after they died Sunday: 89, 88
Variety of years throughout which Sprite got here in iconic inexperienced bottles, now being discontinued in favor of a transparent bottle in order that recyclers can get extra makes use of out of it: 61

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Pet Pic of the Day: Meanwhile, in Ukraine…

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CHEERS to main fevuh! After taking a break throughout July, the races to find out the candidates who’ll be the candidates within the midterm races proceed. Immediately’s motion is going on in six states, and I am going to summarize them for you right here:

Arizona  This place is within the southwest United States. There are a number of heated races taking place right here. However not less than it’s a dry heated races.

Kansas  That is the place the black-and-white components of the documentary The Wizard of Oz occurred. Kansas has one thing the matter with it, however nobody can fairly determine what so that they preserve writing books about it. Bob Dole was from Kansas, and Topeka has alligators within the sewers. There are elections right here right now.

Missouri What are you able to say about Missouri that hasn’t already been mentioned? My goodness. Missouri, Missouri, Missouri. If Mississippi lent Missouri her New Jersey, what would Delaware? I don’t know however Alaska. Ha Ha Ha at all times cherished that one.

Michigan  My first full-time job after I graduated from school with substantial honors and awards was program director of a radio station in Saginaw. Are you able to consider that up till not too long ago a suburb of Saginaw had a drawbridge on I-75 the place it crosses the Saginaw River? An interstate freeway…with a drawbridge!  Coincidentally, the Saginaw River is what I tunneled beneath with a spoon to flee Michigan in 1993. It was in all of the papers.

Ohio  That is the nation of my delivery and likewise the house of Tony Packo’s in Toledo. Astronaut and Senator John Glenn was from Ohio, however he is buried in Arlington Nationwide Cemetery as a result of Ohio misplaced its fucking thoughts a few decade in the past and actually is not liveable anymore.

Washington  Washington is the Father of Our Nation, however now I’ve misplaced my prepare of thought as a result of my spellchecker gave me a purple squiggle as a result of it would not like that I’ve two Washingtons in a row and believes that is in error, which it definitely isn’t as I’m an expert author. Oh nice, one other purple squiggle as a result of I didn’t make Washingtons possessive, and sure the Washingtons on this sentence are additionally getting purple squiggles for not having apostrophes so I am washing my fingers of this nonsense and canceling all of the primaries there.

You possibly can catch all of the knowledgeable, detailed, and up-to-the-minute outcomes tonight through the Day by day Elections Staff liveblogging. I will be in my trailer throwing a tantrum.

JEERS to silly, pointless do-overs. Due to Republican squawking over procedural bullshit, thousands and thousands of the American veterans they declare to care about (greater than Democrats, after all) proceed affected by the consequences of publicity to poisonous burn pits whereas on responsibility in conflict zones. Their excuses have been everywhere in the map, however all of them principally boil all the way down to the identical factor: they’re jerks who prefer to play video games with different individuals’s lives. However thanks to an enormous purple wave of public revulsion (shout-out to Jon Stewart and his sizable megaphone), one other vote may very well be held right now so the affected veterans can get the care they want. Value noting that a number of Republicans will nonetheless vote in opposition to it. Some DNA simply cannot be un-wired.

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BRIEF SANITY BREAK

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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK

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JEERS to a first-class slacker. On August 2, 1923, Warren Harding’s coronary heart went kerflooey and he died along with his boots on in a San Francisco lodge on the ripe younger age of 58. (I hope it’s ripe and younger, as a result of that’s what I’m turning Friday.) Though he received his 1920 election in a landslide and was widespread whereas in workplace, his legacy shortly tarnished. Of their e book Ranking the Presidents, William Ridings Jr. and Stuart McIver (together with 719 historians) rank Harding lifeless final. However our earlier occupant of the White Home is nicely on his technique to bumping Harding as much as #45 on the checklist, and so they received’t must tweak their conclusions a lot to suit Lord Dampnut:

Individuals within the Ridings-McIver Presidential ballot agree overwhelmingly that Harding deserves low marks for his poor efficiency in each class.

His greatest score, for the Political Ability class, apparently for his spectacular election margin, was solely thirty-eighth. He was ranked our worst president within the Management and Appointments class and subsequent to final within the Accomplishments and Disaster Administration and the Character and Integrity classes. Descriptive feedback embody such remarks as “out of his depth” and “over his head.”

The presidency calls for an individual versed in and within the nice home and international problems with the time.  Alas, Harding was primarily in poker, bootleg bourbon, and prepared girls. He was, sadly, only a small-town politician, a mean man in a job that demanded way over a mean man may ship, or as ballot contributors describe him, “an amiable idiot, incompetent, inept, corrupt, immoral.”

On the upside, he had normal-size fingers, wasn’t a slumlord, and didn’t abuse his twitter account.

JEERS to silly human tips. With the Schumer-Manchin 2022 Construct Again A Bit Higher However Not As Higher As We Initially Needed To Construct Again And Inflation Discount Act (SM2022BBABBBNABAWOWTBBAIRA for brief) on the high-speed observe to fame and glory (and, we hear, inflation discount), all eyes at the moment are scouring the panorama for sparkles from a well-known jean vest belonging to Senator Kyrsten Sinema. Will she assist it? Received’t she assist it? Would she assist it? Can she assist it? Mightn’t she assist it? I’ve the definitive reply proper right here:

Sen. Kyrsten Sinema, D-Ariz., whom Democrats contemplate a tough negotiator, has been quiet about whether or not she’ll vote for the Inflation Discount Act of 2022, launched Wednesday. […]

A spokesperson for Sinema mentioned Sunday she had no touch upon the invoice, including that “she’s reviewing textual content and might want to see what comes out of the parliamentarian course of,” referring to the Senate official who determines whether or not payments adjust to the chamber’s strict finances guidelines.

Translation: she’ll seek the advice of along with her investment-manager house owners and get again to us 5 minutes earlier than the vote.

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Ten years in the past in C&J: August 2, 2012

JEERS to the liar flier. Mitt Romney’s little Baintastrophe is not over. Now that he is again on American soil, we will decide up the place we left off, which was Romney denying he had something to do along with his previous firm between 1999 and 2002. Seems he was fairly the shuttle bug:

[A] new report from the Related Press reveals that the previous Massachusetts governor made a number of journeys to Boston to fulfill with companions and different key workers at Bain Capital’s headquarters whereas operating the Salt Lake Metropolis Winter Olympics. The main points contradict Romney’s declare that he didn’t work together with the corporate after leaving in February of 1999.

Surprising. And within the chuckle line of the day, the Romney camp is branding Mitt’s European journey a “nice success.” They forgot to complete their sentence: “…for Obama.

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And only one extra…

CHEERS to blowing this popsicle stand.  With the lazy canine days of August right here, I assumed I might head over to NASA’s Jet Propulsion Laboratory website and see what’ll be up yonder this month as we drift down the closest lazy river at evening takin’ within the starshine and different celestial what-nots. This month’s large occasion is the Saturn All-Night time Get together Present and a few cosmic swan diving, and here is NASA’s Preston Dyches with a preview:

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This month’s full “seasonal blue” moon is the eleventh. Don’t overlook to go outdoors, consider Neil Armstrong, and wink on the full moon, adopted by the custom August post-wink mantra: “Ouch—f*cking mosquitoes.”

Have a tolerable Tuesday. Flooring’s open…What are you cheering and jeering about right now?

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Immediately’s Shameless C&J Testimonial

“I don’t need to see Cheers and Jeers in America finish. The decline in C&J goes to have an effect on the overall ambiance of the nation. There’s something demoralizing about an empty kiddie pool.“

—Peggy Noonan

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