Cheers and Jeers: Monday

“My favourite line belongs to an outdated Irish girl taxi driver in Boston. Flo Kennedy and I had been within the backseat speaking about Flo’s guide, Abortion Rap, and the motive force circled and stated, ‘Honey, if males might get pregnant, abortion could be a sacrament.’ I want I’d gotten her title so we might attribute it to her.”
—Gloria Steinem

“Nationalism is an childish illness. It’s the measles of mankind.”
—Albert Einstein

“Nixon is the sort of man who, when you had been drowning twenty toes from shore, would throw you a fifteen-foot rope.”
—Eugene McCarthy [Also applies to every Republican in 2022]

“After I was 40 and taking a look at 60, it appeared like a thousand miles away. However 62 looks like per week and a half away from 80. I need to now get on with these issues I all the time talked about doing however delay.”
—Harry Belafonte, now 95

“After I’m generally requested when will there be sufficient [women on the Supreme Court], and I say, ‘When there are 9,’ individuals are shocked. However there’d been 9 males, and no one’s ever raised a query about that.”
—Ruth Bader Ginsburg

“We’re on the tipping level, we haven’t obtained time to attend 30 years and argue about a couple of billion {dollars}. Burying your head within the sand one other instantaneous about international warming and the destruction of the planet is suicide for all of us.”
—William Shatner, 90, following his Blue Origin house flight final October

“If Attila the Hun had been alive in the present day, he’d be a drama critic.”
—Edward Albee

“Who hasn’t had a weight difficulty? If not the physique, actually the massive head.”
—Aretha Franklin

For those who celebrated or have but to have a good time a birthday in March, we want you a lot blessings in your camels. And now, let’s get the week began…

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Cheers and Jeers for Monday, March 28, 2022

Word: I name dibs on the subsequent Supreme Courtroom emptiness. Ha Ha—beat ya to it.

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By the Numbers:

Days ’til Easter: 20

Days ’til the fiftieth Ponchatoula Strawberry Competition in Louisiana: 11

% likelihood that sitting Supreme Courtroom Justice Clarence Thomas is compromised on the bench by having a treasonous spouse who participated within the Republican coup try on January 6, 2021: 100%

Variety of nations within the NATO alliance: 30

Estimated failure fee of Russian missiles being shot at Ukraine: 60%

% of Individuals who help capping insulin costs at $35 a month, in accordance with polling from Date for Progress: 85%

Variety of Maine counties, out of 16, which have seen inhabitants progress as covid-rattled metropolis slickers transfer right here for peace and tranquility punctuated by my every day bagpipe observe on the roof: 14

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Pet Pic of the Day: A lesson in boundaries

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JEERS to the week forward. Let’s all orient ourselves as we wipe the weekend sleepies from our eyes, we could? As of Monday morning, the conflict nonetheless rages. Mini-Me lunatics, bristling with weapons and dealing for the principle lunatic, proceed their advance throughout the area of their fanatical try and overthrow the duly-elected authorities.

However the resistance remains to be holding up, and there are even pockets the place the unwashed pro-Putin horde are being thrown again and compelled to regroup. Nonetheless, assist remains to be badly wanted, and it seems to be just like the United States federal authorities merely doesn’t have the desire or the help to knock down the invaders and safe peace and democracy within the beleaguered and battered land that has now seen 1 million deaths from the purple menace because of their callous disregard for human life. However sufficient about Republicans ignoring the Covid pandemic and transferring at lightspeed to show America right into a right-wing fascist dictatorship. Anybody hear something about what’s occurring in Ukraine?

JEERS to a supreme mess. Girls and gents, please word in your cerebral databanks that as of this second, the USA Supreme Courtroom has formally jumped the shark—and though there are alternatives for un-jumping it, none of these choices will probably be exercised as a result of gosh, it’s the Supreme Courtroom a HALLOWED INSTITUTION, PEOPLE!  However anyway…

As Ginni Thomas, a outstanding conservative activist and the spouse of Supreme Courtroom Justice Clarence Thomas, made the case to overturn the election to a high adviser to former President Donald Trump within the days after the 2020 election, she cited a number of conspiracy theories widespread with the president’s most deluded supporters.

In her messages, printed Thursday by CBS Information and the Washington Put up, Thomas urged then-White Home Chief of Employees Mark Meadows to look into the claims of Steve Pieczenik, a little-known conspiracy theorist whose concepts are sometimes too loopy for even Alex Jones. […]  Amongst different claims, Pieczenik insists he as soon as arrested Pope Francis.

However in her protection, I would wish to set the report straight on one necessary difficulty: I can let you know that the squid-JFK Jr. hybrid just isn’t solely completely actual and operating for president in 2024, however he additionally hogs all of the shrimp at our Thursday star chamber conferences in Michael Jackson’s basement. And lemme inform ya, with the availability chain points and inflation, shrimp ain’t low cost. However does JFK Jr.-Squidboy kick in for it? Nooooooo. Course not. All of the Kennedy squid folks are notoriously stingy.

CHEERS to chill science. Within the greatest shock of my lifetime, over the weekend I used to be knowledgeable that Earth is what’s known as a “planet,” and there are numerous such “planets” that make up “photo voltaic programs” and “galaxies” and “universes” “on the market” in what’s known as “house.” I even did a séance with my lifeless relations over the weekend to verify this they usually stated a) “Sure, that is true” and b) “Oops, sorry, guess we must always’ve advised you that earlier than we died.” So realizing what I do know now, after beforehand not realizing what I didn’t know I didn’t know, this blows my FREAKING MIND:

Officers with the Hubble Area Telescope program have some new science to share on Wednesday (March 30).

A NASA assertion guarantees “one for the report books” and an “thrilling new commentary” from the nearly32-year-old telescope. It is difficult to guess what that discovery is likely to be, provided that the Hubble Area Telescope‘s work stretches from exoplanets to galaxies to measuring the enlargement of the universe.(That final bit garnered the multiobservatory workforce a Nobel Prize.)

NASA has provided little different info past promising that the “Hubble consequence not solely extends our understanding of the universe, however creates an thrilling space of analysis for Hubble’s future work with NASA’s newly-launched James Webb Area Telescope.”

Tonight I am doing one other séance to search out out what a “telescope” is. After, in fact, they lastly cease with all of the “Oops, possibly we must always’ve advised you these things earlier” nonsense. You are making me miss Star Trek on my speaking thriller image field, you dumb yammering household spirits.

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BRIEF SANITY BREAK

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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK

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CHEERS to the Ikey we likey.  We’re shocked that Dwight Eisenhower hasn’t been branded a traitor but by the right-wingers as a result of he had the audacity to broaden Social Safety and lift the minimal wage. Plus, on the eve of his exit from the White Home he warned America of the risks of increasing the “military-industrial complicated” that free cannons in cost might exploit. Briefly, his crap crapped larger ones than the present crop of GOPretenders. However his coronary heart, which attacked him a number of instances all through his life, lastly gave out and he died on this date in 1969. Amongst Ike’s well-known quotes chiseled into stone at his grave web site is that this hippie libturd pabulum:

Pay your respects right here. And additional credit score for successful the final U.S. conflict that really deserved to be fought.

CHEERS to large balls, little balls, balls balls balls! After a wild weekend of ups and downs and smiles and frowns, your 2022 NCAA Fabulous 4 Males’s matchups are: Duke vs. North Carolina and Villanova vs. Kansas. The womenfolk’s remaining 4 will probably be decided tonight. Not many individuals know this, however I attempted to play basketball at school. Didn’t work out. The ball saved destroying my badminton rackets.

P.S. Talking of pleasant competitions, the Oscars had been final night time. The most important winners had been Dune and Coda. The most important loser was Chris Rock’s jaw. Thanks and good night time!

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Ten years in the past in C&J: March 28, 2012

CHEERS to showdown on the John Roberts Corral. The Supreme Courtroom justices heard 90 minutes of arguments about Obamacare yesterday earlier than knocking off early to hit the racquetball “court docket” (Ha!), the load “bench” (Ha Ha!) and the mimosa “bar” (Ha thrice!). They talked largely about whether or not or not the Courtroom ought to kick the can down the street and wait till individuals are required to purchase medical health insurance earlier than they rule. They nixed that concept. However they did make one agency determination a couple of mandate yesterday: if Individuals refuse see The Starvation Video games, as required by the American pop culturati, they are often penalized by being compelled to look at Atlas Shrugged. It was 9-0 determination. Merciless and strange, I say.

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And only one extra…

CHEERS to an image saying a thousand phrases. From Joe’s Poland swing…

Okay. That is price three-thousand phrases. Maintain the change.

Have a tolerable Monday. Ground’s open…What are you cheering and jeering about in the present day?

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Right now’s Shameless C&J Testimonial

“We must always acknowledge that the jackassery we frequently see within the Cheers and Jeers kiddie pool is partly due to folks mugging for Invoice in Portland Maine.”

—Sen. Ben Sasse

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